dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
