I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's blow job season.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
