We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
