I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize