In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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