I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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