so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
