I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
