It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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