my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
