u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Buhtt sex?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
