i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
