She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
