Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
