I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
