the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
