She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
