It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Are my feet made of real feet?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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