Soap is not a condiment
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize