Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
