somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
