he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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