Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
