as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
