so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
