hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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