I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're like the curious george of whores
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
