Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
