Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
