hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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