Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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