Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
