gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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