I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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