just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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