his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
