i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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