Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
