Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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