I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How's work?
Spinning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
