If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
