I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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