In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
