I just cut my nipple shaving
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize