alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
