you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
