I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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