Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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