I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize