No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
