did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
