idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
