im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize