i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
