well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
