so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He did a backflip because drugs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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