You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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