I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
