sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
