my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
