You just made me feel so damn special
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
