We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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