Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was born a porn star she said
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize