I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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