The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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