Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
