Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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