btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
