Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
