the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
pray to the hookup gods
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
